Waterhole Studies: more lessons from the animal kingdom

If only they could talk... Well, I suspect that if animals could talk, they'd tell you how much they hated Rex Harrison in Dr Doolittle. After that, I think they'd have five basic messages in their repertoires:

* I'm at the waterhole
* I'm eating
* I'm lonely
* I'm threatened
* I'm still eating

My experience with Twitter so far is that pretty much all the messages created by real-life Twitterers can be derived from one of these basic statements. (In case this sounds snobbish, I must stress that I derived this theory from my own practice, and then looked for corroboration in the wider tweet-flow.)

So, whenever I tweet that I'm going somewhere or meeting someone, I'm making a waterhole moo. When I talk about the cool new thing I've bought, I'm basically squalking about food. If I complain about other Twitterers, or the people flitting through my real-time, real life existence, I'm signalling that I feel threatened. When I complain about feeling unwell, I'm also advertising my threat level. Everything else – and I mean everything – is about loneliness: or, if you want to be upbeat, about the need for community. Because it's social media, right – and we're being sociable.

Why does this matter? I think that companies interested in how consumers are thinking will be investing more attention (and dollars) in analysing the online zeitgeist expressed in micro-blogging. And I think some of these analyses will be wrong. They'll put too much weight on the transient events triggering tweets, and not enough on the underlying themes of those tweets.

For example, “much of England” was recently hit by a substantial snowfall. (“Much of England” is, in this instance, a polite way of saying “London”.) Superficial analysis of the tweetflakes might suggest that British people are intensely interested in wrapping up against the cold, or in battling to work, or in bonding with their kids in the park. A goodly proportion of the tweets take their cue from the news media, who are emitting and amplifying the idea that “we should have been ready for this”, because “they can deal with snow in Stockholm and New York”.

So – should you rush out and sell skis? Well, I don't think so. Because I think most of these tweets are waterhole tweets (“I made it to work!”) and the rest are loneliness tweets (“I didn't make it to work!”). What I would be looking for in this mass of tweets would be comments about which stores were doing a good trade, and where panic-buying broke out, and what people were panic-buying.